March to Caroni

I went to March to Caroni.

That was really good.

I ... the reality is that UWI ...

I question if it is offering internationally competitive courses.

Not doing reading and writing as part of language for cognitive psych...

Does not seem right to me.

And I'm not willing to fight up with ... all the administrative nonsense.

But for my own understanding... I will continue...

this year.. to do some of the courses, ... human development.

Why?  cause... I want to.. for myself.

If things had been different... maybe I would have made this a career.

I can see that working well for me.

But... I've had my chance.

Patronus

I once said at the end of this, I wanted a new patronus.

The fact is...

My patronus is the same.

The fact is ... nothing can change the past nor the future.

What I do.. is ... does not define me.

Not about Money

This was never about money.

Money can help, but this was about...

taking people for granted and ... forgetting debts that cannot be repaid.

I don't know, maybe I am too eastern. Somehow.

Never mind I don't speak Chinese/ Cantonese.

Respect for elders, to me is still paramount.

I should .... she took me to montesouri every day for a year. To Common Entrance lessons.

Rearranged her schedule... because mommy asked. Mom didn't drive.

She put up money, without interest when my parents did not have the fees for university for my sister and brother.

So excuse me, if I think Ms and Mr big shots in foreign can't give a rats ass about the little old lady with the leaky roof and the cracked tile bathroom.

She's my mommy's sister. And she forgets now that mommy is dead.

It's a little freaky.

The last living sister in Trinidad.

She .... she is all I have left...

I'm scared. Always scared.

When I lose her... how do I define myself.

First (Spanglish) ... I am my mother's daughter.

Now ... I am my aunt's niece.

What do I become without aunt?

Ask no questions be told no lies

Propagnosia

It means I don't recognise faces.

You are all faceless to me. I am a ghost.

A bit of cold, stirring past the living, a chill.

I died a long time ago.

Just one of the living dead.

Not going

I have decided that so long as my aunt is alive. I will not leave her side.
Despite whether or not she thinks she deserves more.... I do.
And she wont let me help her.
And she is all I have left.
Sometimes courage is tackling the devil you know, rather than the unknown.

I'm not really interested in anything that is offered locally, So I will look for something online, in the field I have chosen.

We make life choices, depending on the circumstances which apply at the time of the decision.
That's life.

Gay...

It's been a long time.

No one who has asked me, for a long time.

Do you like girls?

That was truly a priceless moment.

Rainbow vibes.

Pride.

....

Do I have any pride ...?

Silent all these years.

I'm scared

First test in eight years. Multiple choice, 1 minute per question.

The last test I took in 2006, I failed.

I was working a four day work week and had lost interest in the subject.

Had decided if I was going to do my masters it had to be done full time.

Focus get it over with.

Managed to land another job.

Until ... global meltdown.

I'm anxious. Making little cuts. My mouths. Red lips.

And I am very aware that even if I am successful.

There is still a huge boulder.

My aunt.

Stood up to arranged marriage at age 14.

She .... will not let me help her.

I can't leave this country.

The discipline I wish to pursue is not offered in this country.

.... Are there any other options?

One step at a time.

12 c copies

Thank you office express.

I have successfully cut myself off from everyone.

No one calls.

Silence.

Sound of silence.

Oh, so Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix.

But there is no one sitting with you in the exam.

Alone...